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Siobhan Gallagher's avatar

Do you mind if I give a bit of feed back? I do like this setting and the adventurous tone, but there is little to no internal narration, which creates the "he did this, he did that" problem.

Example: "He kneels. He fills his flasks with water and washes blood from his face and hands. He spots a fish. He grabs a stone. He hears footfalls and snapped twigs and a battle cry."

Also, when our protagonist entered the cave with bodies, the POV changed from 3rd, to 1st--was that intentional?

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